Turning a new leaf

It's going to be hard, but I'm going to try to learn to relax.
Anyone who knows me can say that I get pretty into my hobbies. Like take-over-my-life-and-do-nothing-else into them.
Luckily, by now, I have finally learned to weed out the temporary passions with the real ones. But that doesn't mean I'm not still tempted to pick up something new and get extremely into it. But the urge is getting less, thankfully. Otherwise, I'd never have any time.

One of my main hobbies is writing. I've been writing stories pretty much my whole life, but I drifted away from it during my teen years. I started again in college, but after being away so long, my skills were just not there. However, the past two years, I have been pretty dedicated to improving my writing and reading as much as time allows me to. This has become much more than a hobby/passion. I am really dedicated to making it work. No matter how much of a dream it is, I'm going to stick to it because I think it's possible. I don't believe I'm reaching for a unrealistic dream (an unlikely one yes, just by pure numbers), but not an unrealistic one. I am not trying to be an actress or a singer, which I obviously don't have the skill set for. But I do believe there is a writer in me. And though I may not be good at many things, I know my strongest asset is creativity and imagination. That I know I have.

But writing has been torturing me slowly for a long time. I've had passions, but I've never had such focused goals before. Trying to become a published author has been pretty horrible, sometimes I don't even know if I'm happy. Like, I still love writing to death, but the whole process is so consuming. There is honestly not a second when I'm not thinking of another story, a new idea, developing a character or a scene. Even when I'm reading other books and watching movies, I am still thinking! I think in the shower, while I sleep, in the car, at work, even when I'm talking to other people. It's pretty insane. I once read that it's not worth it to give up EVERYTHING to write, have it take over your life to the point where your life is unbalanced. And that is honestly where I'm headed.

I also read on Nathan Bransford's (famous literary agent) blog to not play the "if" game. Because if you do, then that might be a clue to stop writing. It basically goes like this: If I got an agent, I'd be happy. If I got published, I'd be happy. If I sold x amount of copies, I'd be happy. Basically, letting your happiness rely on some action that may or may not ever happen. But you want it so badly, it just takes over your life. It also doesn't help reading all the millions of published authors and their inspiring (often lucky!) story on how they became published. For some, it's a cakewalk! A perfect, dream-come-true, easy journey. And others have written for ten years before their first novel was published. It's a crapshoot.

But I've decided no more! I will not let writing torment me any longer. I am going to do what I love and enjoy it and if it happens, then it happens. If not, oh well, at least I will still have the rest of my life to be thankful for.

That is what I need to do.