Mood: FRUSTRATED

Today, I just feel like venting.
Normally, I try to post content that has some significance, but not today.
I am a pot of water that has finally reached its boiling point.

I'm tired--very tired. And have been for the past 3 years of my life, maybe even more... Ever since the dreaded day I decided to study for the GMAT and go to grad school. What a stupid idea!

The thing is, grad school usually only includes 10 classes or so. But not for me! Because my dumb ass graduated from a college in Japan with an International Business and Econ degree, grad school was like getting my bachelor's degree all over again since I didn't have any of the prerequisites to take the higher level accounting courses. This fact = NOT FUN.
So, I had to cram tons of classes into each semester. My busiest semester, I took 5 classes while working. That was hell. And overall, I don't like driving an hour after work several times a week to sit through a 3 hour class. And all the homework! Plus the added pressure of the 3.0 average!

But the second I decided to drop out (yeah, 3 years down the toilet), I started studying for my CPA exam. Which is the worst ever. I have completely given up everything in my life for this stupid exam. I study all day and all night, while the housework (laundry, etc.) just keeps piling higher and higher. And the second I took one section, it was tax season at work, which we all know is hell for about two and a half months. Then the very next day (April 16th), I started studying for the other sections. I have 2 sections coming up in July and I have so little time to study, I really need to cram, even more than before.

Sometimes, like today, I just feel so tired. My life has been in complete imbalance for several years now. I barely ever take a trip anywhere or have a vacation. I think the last time I went anywhere was like 2 1/2 years ago. And I barely go out and see my friends anymore. I can count with my fingers the number of times I've gone out socially in the past 7 months. Some of my friendships have definitely suffered because of this.

Not to mention, I've spent the past year writing my stupid book which I still have to finish revising. It's what I really want to do, but the time I have to work on it is so little because all this accounting stuff comes first. And that frustrates me... The chances of getting published are already really slim, but most of the time, authors write full time. Which means I am working VERY slow and from experience, every idea anyone has thought of has already been thought by someone else. I'm just worried that by the time I'm finally done, someone will already have written the same book. I look at other authors and they pop out books like no tomorrow.

And I have almost completely abandoned my other passion--music. I haven't worked on any songs FOREVER or written any new ones. And if things keep going the way they are now, it will be a long time until I will have time to.

On top of that, I have several personal problems going on right now that are just adding to the stress.

I feel like I'm locked in a cage, like a kid who's been grounded, glaring out the window to catch a glimpse of the world--so full of life--moving on without him. Everyone seems to be having such a great summer, but not me--I can only stare at all the things I want to do, but study instead.

Life can suck.

What to Watch... What to Not

Ahh, it's been awhile since I've done a "What to Watch... What to Not." I've just been so busy studying that I haven't had time to sneak out to the movies like I normally do. But I finally have two summer movies to review.

WHAT TO WATCH...

Definitely, definitely Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen.

I know there are a lot of bad reviews circulating on the net about Transformers II. But here's the thing: I think the critics/reviewers are idiots because they are judging the movie based on standards that do not apply to this particular franchise.
Everywhere I look, people criticize the plot and the acting. Of course, I'd have to agree that it's not the best, but what are people expecting? The Shawshank Redemption? It's a typical summer blockbuster--weak on plot, but lots of action and nice CG. Isn't that what makes a blockbuster entertaining?

I think people compare it to the first movie too much, which was a little more put together in terms of storyline and character development (Oh yeah, that was another complaint--lack of character development in #2. Who cares? We just want to see robots beat each other up), but I think the only reason Transformers #1 had a better screenplay was because the movie had a much lower budget (I assume, this is not confirmed). They had to satisfy the audience in another way since the robot air time was A LOT less than #2 due to lack of capital.

The bottom line is, giant robots vs. giant robots = awesome! And in that aspect, #2 kills #1. Lots of giant robots fighting, very entertaining! Also, I think Opti P. (hee hee) and Bumblebee got some crazy kung-fu lessons or something because they kick WAY more ass in the second one than the first. And I likes!

I can't wait until the DVD comes out. Then I can skip all the b.s. and just watch the fight scenes.
On repeat.


...WHAT TO NOT

I'm sorry to say, but Up did not impress me.

I know all the critics/reviewers are raving about this one, but I just didn't think it was that great. I did like the touching moments about the main character and his wife--that was sad--but besides that, it was mediocre at best. There were funny parts, but not even that many compared to other animated movies. I think they could have also been more creative with the plot. I mean, this man has a house that can float! He can go anywhere, live through any adventure! But instead they only meet one weird creature along the way and spend the rest of the time battling dogs and another old man. Not much even happens in the movie, resulting in a story with a disappointing climax and an even more disappointing build up.

I'm a bit disappointed in the animated films lately--Meet the Robinsons, Wall-E, Up... Let's bring back Monsters, Inc.!

Fan Fiction

Once again, another dorky post.
I love fan fiction. It gives fans a chance to vent!
Back in high school, I was pleasantly surprised to find out that fan fiction existed. It gives fans the chance to make up their own realities (at least book realities) with characters already created, characters they love.

As for me, I rarely write a fan fic unless I'm pissed off. Usually it's because I want an ending to be different.
My first fan fic was about Final Fantasy VII. I was always an Aerith fan and was pissed when she died. Also, I didn't like that Cloud and Tifa got together instead. So, I wrote an alternate ending! One where Cloud was always in love with Aerith and they lived happily ever after with Tifa left in the dust. Nice!

Fast forward about 10 years and I've written a few more. I wrote "Love From Afar" about Laurie and Jo from Little Women. I read the book when I was little, but thought it was boring and didn't really understand what was so special about it. Then I read it again after I "grew up" (yikes, there are no adults after all) and really fell in love with it. It's definitely one of my favorite books, if not my favorite. What makes it good is that there are no gimmicks! It's just such a wonderful book about a family and their lives and relationships. Usually, I find those books boring. I like my books with a little mystery, magic, suspense, humor, or SOMETHING to keep me reading. My least favorite is actually drama/plain fiction. But the way Little Women is written is so spectacular. I guess because everyone can relate to Laurie and Jo. Their relationship is definitely the star in the novel.

So of course, like everyone else in the world, I was pissed when Laurie and Jo didn't get together in the end! They were made for each other! I haven't read Pride and Prejudice (or even the zombie version) and all those other great romantic novels, but I genuinely feel that Laurie and Jo's relationship is the most well-written, touching one of all. And so, it was time for me to play story God once again and change reality so I could sleep at night. Although, I do have to say that I like the fact they didn't end up together, otherwise readers would assume they lived happily ever after and never think about them again. This way, the frustration will haunt our thoughts forever. I think people like that in a strange, odd way.

So here is the fan fic for Laurie and Jo I posted on fanfiction.net. I wrote it really quickly in 2008 and I know the writing sucks. I should've taken more time with it and now I'm just too lazy to change it. But I like how I explained why they didn't end up together and I like the dialogue, which is what I tried to focus on the most. And best of all, Laurie and Jo can now live on in love! LOL JAJAJAJA (Spanish laugh)
Of course I made up some parts that didn't happen in the book so the explanation would fit all together (i.e. Fritz being toast, Beth writing Laurie the letter, etc).

Laurie and Jo fan fiction "Love From Afar"

The funnest part to write was definitely the dialogue because they talk so different than people do now. It was fun to exaggerate everything and make their sentences so proper.
For those who haven't read Little Women, here is a very quick background on Laurie and Jo:

Jo is one of four sisters, but she is a total tomboy (hence the nickname "Jo" instead of her full name Josephine). Laurie (short for Laurence) lives next door and is rich, but very lonely. One day, Jo and Laurie meet by chance at a party and from then on are totally inseperable. Laurie falls in love with Jo, but they never speak openly about it, still being best friends. Then, Jo thinks her younger sister, Beth, has feelings for Laurie so she leaves to New York to give Beth time to win Laurie's heart. There, she meets old Professor "Fritz" Bhaer. When she comes back, Laurie confesses his love for her, but she rejects him and he leaves to Europe to forget his heartache. Laurie reunites with Amy (Jo's youngest sister) and they marry. Jo ends up marrying Fritz and they name their son Teddy, after Jo's nickname for Laurie.

I think what makes the book so good is that it starts from when they're in high school all the way until they're married with kids.

I love this last part, when Lauries comes back to visit Jo and announces he and Amy are now husband and wife. He talks to Jo alone and once and for all clears up his feelings.

Laurie: "I could honestly share my heart between sister Jo and wife Amy, and love them both dearly. Will you believe it, and go back to the happy old times, when we first knew one another?"

Jo: "I'll believe it, with all my heart; but, Teddy, we can never be a boy and girl again--the happy old times can't come back, and we mustn't expect it. We are man and woman now, with sober work to do, for playtime is over, and we must give up frolicking. I'm sure you feel this; I see the change in you, and you'll find it in me; I shall miss my boy, but I shall love the man as much, and admire him more, because he means to be what I hoped he would..."

*tear*

Edward vs. Jace

As you can tell by this post, I am huge dork. I spend way too much time in my head, intrigued by made-up characters. The type of things I do in my spare time... But oh well! It's fun for me!

I couldn't help but compare Jace Wayland (ugh, I hate his last name, but I love his first name esp. since it's the nickname I've had for years n years. And also, he has like 3 different last names) from The Mortal Instruments series to Edward Cullen from Twilight.

Edward Cullen from Twilight




Jace Wayland from The Mortal Instruments series
(There's no movie yet, but this is how I imagine Jace would look)

My vote is for JACE. And apparently, I'm not the only one who feels the same way:

http://www.youchoose.net/campaign/who_would_u_choose_edward_cullen_or_jace_wayland

Ah ha! So I'm not the only dork who thinks about this kinda stuff.
I don't usually prefer blondes, but I like Jace's personality way better. Edward is boring and one-dimensional. Also, he gets more serious with each book in the series. By the fourth book, he's just this overprotective guy who's totally not fun. And I don't like that he's so perfect... (rich, musical, good-looking, smart, never dated anyone besides Bella, hmmm... oh yeah, and BORING).

Jace, on the other hand, is so human which makes all his decisions that much more meaningful. He's also very complex and honest. A sweet, sensitive guy whose crazy father raised him to be a ruthless warrior--the eternal inner conflict of nature vs. nurture! As a result, he very honestly states he's only an ass because it's a defense mechanism. And though he's protective of Clary, he knows she's tough and can handle her own. And he dates and flirts with other girls, which is more realistic, making his love for Clary that much more significant. And he's not unbreakable like Edward. He gets beat up plenty, but he's bad ass enough to handle it.

Who would you vote for?
Vampire or part angel?

I say Team Jace, home slice.

Old, new, or inbetween, 5 songs I can't stop playing

This week, I feel like hanging out in imagination land. Okay, maybe that's everyday. But my song choices definitely do seem a little more emotional than usual.

1) Explosions in the Sky - "First Breath After Coma"
This song is just SO damn good. I enjoy instrumentals, but it's still very hard to come by one that I absolutely adore. I like all sorts of instrumentals, but what I like about Explosions in the Sky is that they create an entirely new genre. We all know the basics--orchestra, new age, electronic, nature, but Explosions in the Sky is none of those. And I also think "First Breath After Coma" is a very fitting title. If you don't like instrumentals, I think you should give this one a try. It's so full of beauty and inspiration. I want to make music like this one day.

2) Trading Yesterday - "Shattered"
The best song in the world! Okay, maybe I'm exaggerating, but it's at least the best song of the week. And it's also by the best band that never was. I guess Trading Yesterday left their label before releasing their debut album, which "Shattered" was on. So the sad part is, no more awesome band. But the good part is, all their MP3s are now online for free! But it's okay, they've formed a new band called The Age of Information and will continue in their awesomeness. I especially like the 2nd half of the song. The sound quality isn't the best though.

3) Tegan and Sara - "I know I know I know"
I'm not a huge fan of the whiny vocals, but once I got passed it, I really liked the song. It's catchy and cute and puts me in a good mood.

4) Flyleaf - "So I Thought"
Pretty pretty.

5) Black Kids - "I'm Not Gonna Teach Your Boyfriend How to Dance With You"
This song also puts me in a good mood--it's just so happy! Although the lyrics are a bit weird: "You are the girl that I've been dreaming of ever since I was a little girl," sung by a DUDE. I discussed this with Chris and we figured the dude was once upon a time a lesbian girl who grew up and got a sex change. I think that works, right?

Favorite Excerpt

Earlier I had posted about the short stories by Miranda July in her collection No One Belongs Here More Than You.
The post caused me to read a few of her stories over, reminding me once again why I loved them so much.

Here is one of my favorite excerpts. It's from the first short story, "The Shared Patio." The narrator works for a magazine called Positive about HIV which publishes articles that try to uplift the reader. She writes articles in hopes that it will be published, but her work is never uplifting enough. But then, at the end of the story, she finally gets the hang of it:

"Do you have doubts about life? Are you unsure if it is worth the trouble? Look at the sky: that is for you. Look at each person's face as you pass on the street: those faces are for you. And the street itself, and the ground under the street, and the ball of fire underneath the ground: all these things are for you. They are as much for you as they are for other people. Remember this when you wake up in the morning and think you have nothing. Stand up and face the east. Now praise the sky and praise the light within each person under the sky. It's okay to be unsure. But praise, praise, praise."

Well said.

Music Hunters Alert! A new way to find great music.

This post is for the people who can't go a few days without an intense urge to download several new songs, who get excited when they have to drive somewhere because it gives them an opportunity to listen to music, who put on headphones and do nothing else but just listen, who play music in the background pretty much at all times, who can't live a day without listening to some type of melody--basically for people like me :)

It's hard to come by new music these days. So far, I have found 2 tried and true methods:
1) Find music buddies who share the same obsession with music that you do and make a pact to trade.
2) When buying/downloading songs, check out the "Customers who bought this artist also bought this..."

Unfortunately for me, my music collecting has slowed down quite a bit. It gets harder and harder to find new music that I like. Sometimes I only end up downloading less than a handful of songs a week, which is tough! I always like a good batch of 20 songs or more to keep me satisfied for a week or two, otherwise I'm just hungry for more. And my 2 methods have been completely sucked dry. First, I barely have any music buddies to begin with. And second, I hardly see them enough to trade. Then, for the "customers who bought this artist also bought this" trick, I think I've gone through just about every related artist there is.

I do subscribe to music magazines, but even those are a gamble; a lot of times the writers' tastes are pretty different than mine and I have to search each artist/song one by one for a sample on Amazon.com to see whether I like it. And sometimes when the clip is too short to tell, I go on Playlist.com and listen to the whole song just to make sure... Yeah, I'm pretty picky, but at $1.00 per song, I better be! Otherwise, I could easily spend hundreds of dollars a month buying up full albums.

Yeah, nobody ever said music hunting was easy. It's a real chore! But the end result is so worth it, which is why I do it. And now, I've just found a new way to music hunt and it's led me to a ton of new music so far.

And the trick is...

You Tube!
If you go on You Tube and look at "trailers" made by fans for books, movies, etc., they have some great music. The best part is they list the artist and song title for you right under the info, cutting out all of the work! I discovered this method by accident when I googled some info on Cassandra Clare, the author of The Mortal Instruments Trilogy (which I posted about earlier). There was a video for the City of Bones book trailer made by a fan. When I first watched it, I thought the fan had hired professional actors/actresses to play all the parts. Then I found out that she took scenes from about 8 different movies/tv series and did some creative editing which really reflected certain scenes in the book. I mean, it's pretty crazy--where the heck did she find a clip where a red-headed teenager and a brown-haired nerdy boy with glasses go to a club (Clary and Simon at club Pandemonium)? Or a handsome blonde boy (Jace) standing in a futuristic elevator (the Institute's elevator) talking to an elderly man (Hodge)? The only movie I recognized was 300, which made me realize how she had put the "trailer" together. But it was really well done and I have to commend her on a great job.
In fact, here is the link:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N8WcRsajHfY&feature=PlayList&p=C0A8372A7AA378BD&index=0&playnext=1

I think if you've read the book/series, you will see just how close the trailer is to the actual book. (A glowing sword!)

It turns out that lots of people throw together fake trailers and use awesome music in the background. Stuff I've never even heard of! So hopefully this will help some of you out there who have been struggling to find new music. Happy hunting, everyone!

Short Stories

Short stories. I used to like them, then I hated them and I'll tell you why.

I'll start with the first part--I used to like them. I guess it was because they didn't take much time to read and usually had a whimsical edge because that's what you have to do when you write a short story; the author only has a few pages to impress the readers and make an impression. But to be honest, I never came across a short story I actually even liked or remembered. I just kept reading them, buying books full of them and even writing them myself.

So then comes the second part--I hated them. And I realized why. Because by the time you actually know the characters and remotely care what happens to them or understand where the plot is going, the story's over. Super anti-climactic. That's when I realized they were a waste of time, money, and energy and I stopped giving a crap. Although the occasional short story while taking a crap did prove to be somewhat enjoyable. Better than the back of a shampoo bottle.

Then one day, I was at the bookstore and saw a 2 for 1 deal. I came across No One Belongs Here More Than You by Miranda July. Initially, it was the bright fluorescent cover that caught my eye and I really liked the plain cover; simple and bold. But then my brain yelled, "Don't do it! It's a collection of short stories!" But of course, I didn't listen because the back of the book had blurbs of how great the stories were and it was enough to persuade me to open to the first page. I wasn't too impressed by the first story, although it did have some good moments (such as the dead whale part ^_^), but it was enough to make me buy it at a discount. And I'm sure glad I did. I read all of them in one sitting and absolutely fell in love with each story. I don't really know how Miranda July does it, but she made me like short stories once more, well, at least hers. I think it's the way she writes; not very typical, even somewhat "unprofessional" (no fancy words or flowery prose), but her unique writing voice brings her stories to life--a mixture of beauty, humor, bitter-sweetness, and little noticed yet unnoticed truths of life that would make Seinfeld proud.

I actually had it for a few years and almost forgot about it. But today, when I was cleaning out my bookshelf, I saw it sitting in the back and had an "aww, this book" moment. So I had to post it up and share. Beautiful, wonderful, all things good in the world.

Old, new, or inbetween, 5 songs I can't stop playing

This week, a tribute to summer!
These songs might be upbeat, even a little cheesy, but if they don't have you wishing you're cruising in a car down to the beach, you're not human!
Happy tunes, perfect for a beautiful sunny day...

1) "Kissing Your Lips" - Quietdrive
2) "Simple Life" - My Favorite Highway
3) "We Intertwined" - The Hush Sound
4) "That 70's Song" - The Cab
5) "Take It Home" - The White Tie Affair