Mood: FRUSTRATED

Today, I just feel like venting.
Normally, I try to post content that has some significance, but not today.
I am a pot of water that has finally reached its boiling point.

I'm tired--very tired. And have been for the past 3 years of my life, maybe even more... Ever since the dreaded day I decided to study for the GMAT and go to grad school. What a stupid idea!

The thing is, grad school usually only includes 10 classes or so. But not for me! Because my dumb ass graduated from a college in Japan with an International Business and Econ degree, grad school was like getting my bachelor's degree all over again since I didn't have any of the prerequisites to take the higher level accounting courses. This fact = NOT FUN.
So, I had to cram tons of classes into each semester. My busiest semester, I took 5 classes while working. That was hell. And overall, I don't like driving an hour after work several times a week to sit through a 3 hour class. And all the homework! Plus the added pressure of the 3.0 average!

But the second I decided to drop out (yeah, 3 years down the toilet), I started studying for my CPA exam. Which is the worst ever. I have completely given up everything in my life for this stupid exam. I study all day and all night, while the housework (laundry, etc.) just keeps piling higher and higher. And the second I took one section, it was tax season at work, which we all know is hell for about two and a half months. Then the very next day (April 16th), I started studying for the other sections. I have 2 sections coming up in July and I have so little time to study, I really need to cram, even more than before.

Sometimes, like today, I just feel so tired. My life has been in complete imbalance for several years now. I barely ever take a trip anywhere or have a vacation. I think the last time I went anywhere was like 2 1/2 years ago. And I barely go out and see my friends anymore. I can count with my fingers the number of times I've gone out socially in the past 7 months. Some of my friendships have definitely suffered because of this.

Not to mention, I've spent the past year writing my stupid book which I still have to finish revising. It's what I really want to do, but the time I have to work on it is so little because all this accounting stuff comes first. And that frustrates me... The chances of getting published are already really slim, but most of the time, authors write full time. Which means I am working VERY slow and from experience, every idea anyone has thought of has already been thought by someone else. I'm just worried that by the time I'm finally done, someone will already have written the same book. I look at other authors and they pop out books like no tomorrow.

And I have almost completely abandoned my other passion--music. I haven't worked on any songs FOREVER or written any new ones. And if things keep going the way they are now, it will be a long time until I will have time to.

On top of that, I have several personal problems going on right now that are just adding to the stress.

I feel like I'm locked in a cage, like a kid who's been grounded, glaring out the window to catch a glimpse of the world--so full of life--moving on without him. Everyone seems to be having such a great summer, but not me--I can only stare at all the things I want to do, but study instead.

Life can suck.